Things that only happen to me. . .

Do you ever wonder if in another life you were Lucille Ball? I'm telling you, she is the only other person that ever seems to run into the same screw ball situations I do. My life could very easily be an I Love Lucy episode. . .

Case in point. Last night around 11:00 I decided, for some unknown reason, to try on this new dress that I bought for the book signing next week. It's a halter type dress with a nifty print. So, I slip the dress over my head and it's TIGHT. As I'm trying to squish my rather tender boobs into the dress I realize there's a zipper in the back. The dress is now scrunched half over my chest and half not and I'm trying to reach around behind me to unzip the sucker. My head is poking out of the dress and my arms are flailing trying to reach the zipper. Thank God there were no hidden cameras in my room last night.

I finally manage to wiggle the dress on and it looks pretty good. My stomach sticks out a little too much but that isn't going to improve any time soon with the way I've been eating. So I reach around to unzip it again to take it off.

And the zipper sticks about 1/4 of the way down. I tug and yank to no avail, so I slip the halter part off my neck and spin it around to see if maybe some fabric is stuck in the tracks. Nope, everything looks fine. I tug and yank some more. No dice.

I try pulling it back off over my head and almost completely flattened my chest in the process. I'm now getting a little worried. My kids are asleep and my husband is at the fire house and I'm trapped in my dress. I turn the dress around and slip the halter top back on and creep down stairs to get pliers. Back in my room I spin the dress around again and yank at the zipper with the pliers.
It doesn't move an inch.

I'm now even more panicked thinking I'm either going to have to call my husband at the fire house and ask him to come home so he can free me from the foul clutches of this dress or I'm going to have to sleep in it. Finally, in desperation I stuff my poor abused chest under the dress and manage to pull it off me.

I did get it unzipped finally and was able to repair the zipper, but I zipped and unzipped it several times just to make sure.

Now tell me honestly, do things like this happen to anyone else?
I thought not.

Okay, I'm headed to bed to escape the heat, gag! Humidity sucks!
Ari

Done! Done! Done!

I'm done I'm done I'm done!!!!
I finished the first draft of my novella!!! Yippee!!!!! I still have to go through it again, send it to my cp, go through it and fix the things she finds. (I tend to have comma trauma) and send it off to my editor for EVEN MORE EDITS, but I'm done writing the story!!!

As usual, it didn't turn out quite the way I planned. For some reason my mind never wants to follow any synopsis I write ahead of time. It feels compelled to change the ending of my books no matter what I think is going to happen.

But hey, it's usually better than what I had planned so I'm not going to complain!

I'm now gearing up for RWA (anyone in the Reno area?) and trying to scramble around and figure out what to wear. I don't really fit into anything any more (has that stopped me from stuffing my face??? Nooooooo) and I'm doing a presentation, moderating my friend's presentation, and going to the Harlequin party for the first time. Since I have a book with them I kind of want to make sure I don't look like a big dork.

Actually, I figure the editor who has my book will probably send out the rejection before she leaves for the convention and then there will be that really awkward moment where she wonders if I got it or not and feels really uncomfortable around me.

Man, that's one heck of a run on sentence? Yup, I'm an author AND an English teacher, can't you tell?

I'm going to leave directions with my husband to call me immediately if any envelope bearing a Harlequin or Silhouette return address comes in. . .

I need to find some way to blog in the car. I come up with really great ideas when I'm no where near a computer. Honest, I can be witty! I just don't show it often. . .

Okay, I must try to figure out what I'm wearing next week, all I have to do is get through this week, hahahaha. . .
Ari

I said I wasn't going to do this

I saidI wasn't going to blog about the whole EC/RWA issue but unfortunately I can't escape it any longer.

First, just so no one feels misled, I am an Ellora's Cave author and darn proud of it. EC has treated me beyond fairly and I love working for them. Even if I manage to get published in Romantic Suspense with another publisher, I'll continue to write for EC because they ROCK!!!!

Now here's my take on the erotica/porn/romance debate. To me, if it has people who fall in love and live happily ever after it's romance. Whatever steps they take to get there, should it involve werewolves, BDSM, menage a tois, or whatever else is their business. Romance is falling in love, end of subject.

All my characters fall in love and end up happily ever after. I may write some darn hot sex throughout the book, but my characters form emotional attachments that withstand intergalactic wars, death threats, and usually mayhem of some sort. I might also add that my books might talk about sex in franker terms than many "traditional" romances, but the amount and type of sex is no more wild than many, many traditional authors. Heck, sometimes even less!

In the end what it comes down to is your comfort level. I think the word "erotica" puts people out of their comfort zone, which is why I don't refer to my stories as that. I dare ANYONE to read one of my books and tell me that they aren't romance. People may not like the heat level of my writing, and that is totally understandable. I don't enjoy reading "sweet" romances, but it doesn't mean I look down on those authors and say, "Well, they only write inspirational because they can't write sex."

We write what is in our heart, and that is what's important. Shouldn't we all stick together and support each other as AUTHORS instead of attacking and defending our own little turfs?

And that's the last I'm saying on this issue! Tomorrow I'll go back to complaining about my kids. . .

No pearls of wisdom here. . .

Yes Miss Kate,
I'm still alive and I haven't killed anyone either. Not that it hasn't been tempting. . .

I haven't blogged lately for two reasons. . .
1.) I'm darn busy and am trying to bust my buns so that I can finish my novella before I leave for Reno for the RWA National Convention. If I don't finish it in the next week or so my editor is going to be very unhappy with me.

2.) It seems to me that my blog entries are all whining and since I don't like listening to my children whine I can't imagine anyone wanting to listen to me.

When I had started blogging I had thought about giving out pearls of writing wisdom, or at least filling people in on what exactly a writer's life entails (it ain't champagne and roses obviously). Instead, it seems to me that I have used this forum as my own personal bitch session.

Hey, it's cheaper than therapy!

My hope is that by sharing a slice of my life any struggling writers out there will know that being an author doesn't mean I sit around in my silky nighty with a feathered pen writing sex scenes. Not that I'd be opposed to that life style, especially if it came with several boy toys who would wait on me hand and foot. . .

But, I digress. . .

I don't know if anyone reading this is struggling to be a published author or not. I do know some of my buds who ARE writers (much better than me, by the way) read my blog. I guess it's easier than listening to me complain in person, hahahaha. As far as I know, none of them write in their silky nighties with a legion of boy toys waiting to fulfill their every need. (But hey I could be wrong, Mary? Kate? Leigh?)

That's not to say I haven't written in my pajamas before. In the winter I tend to stay in my comfy flannel pajama pants, sweatshirt, and leave my glasses on as long as I possibly can. In fact, the night I heard from EC that they wanted to buy Rebel's Lust I was in just such an outfit. I'm sure the folks passing my house on the street were just amazed as I did the happy dance in the kitchen looking like that.

My children were completely unimpressed.

But I digress yet agan. . .

Anyway, for all of you who listen to my ramblings, thanks for taking a moment or two to share my life. I hope if nothing else my life makes yours look much more relaxing, hahahha

I'll let you know when the novella is done. I have about ten thousand more words to write, but who's counting??

Going straight to hell

I think that I'm going straight to hell after the way my thoughts went today. Let me explain. . .

Back in the winter my daughter had a play date with a little girl from down the street. When her family came to pick her up, her younger brother ran through the house like a maniac, then got upset when I told him he couldn't play here. I stupidly said that he could come back in the summer and go swimming just so he'd get out of my house.

Well. . . Now it's summer. So I'm in a position where I need to invite this family over to go swimming. Not wanting to break my word, I called yesterday to invite them over for today.
They came.

It was the longest two hours in my entire life. I mean, two hours of child birth was easier to take than this. Heck, two hours of dental work without novicane would be easier to take. So as I'm smiling and nodding and trying to keep my house in one piece, inside I'm screaming at them to get out!!!

It was then that I realized I'm not a very nice person. I mean, I try to be kind to others, but deep inside I'm just not very nice. Is that a bad thing? I guess it is. So that's how I've come to the realization that I'm going to hell.

But at least I won't be lonely. . .
; )

Just say NO!!!

I need to learn to just say no! I usually tell people I'm a pretty lazy person, but I realize I'm not so much lazy as over-extended. I do want to help people out, but I think I might have SUCKER written on my forehead because I keep doing things I don't really want to do. Things I definitely don't have TIME to do, and things I probably am not qualified to do.

Case in point. I teach high school. Why? Because little children in large numbers scare the bejeezus out of me. They're all so needy and touchy and it makes me nuts. Therefore, I don't like to volunteer in the classroom. I don't WANT to know what's going on there, that's why I pay high taxes to have my children go to good schools. Do I end up volunteering in the classroom anyway? Yes. Granted, I'm more likely to offer to bring something in than help out, but I get suckered into the dreaded elementary classroom more often than I'd like.

Second point. I take karate. Why? Because it's just about the only sport I can do. I'm very klutzy and can trip over my own two feet very easily. Did I ever play soccer in school? No. Do I know anything at all about soccer? Not much. Am I coaching my daughter's soccer team in the fall? Yes. Does this make sense to you?????

I need to learn to say "No, I'm sorry, I don't have time for that." I'm good at saying no to my children, but it hasn't worked real well saying no FOR my children. Luckily I've managed to stay under the radar with the PTO or I'd be in BIG trouble!!!

Hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable weekend. I'm going to bust my butt on Saturday to get the house clean and the yard work done so I can power lounge on Sunday. I really need to get my edits done tomorrow too so that I can get Enchanted Door back to my editor and get a release date for that sucker. Oh, and I need to do edits on Sable Flame and write my novella. And did I mention summer school is starting Tuesday?

Oh yeah, I need a day to recharge my batteries before I totally burn out. Don't bother to call me on Sunday, I'll be in a POWER SLACK!!!!

Take care!
Ari