Arianna's Blog

Come listen to the ramblings and assorted babblings of a crazed mother and newbie author. It might not always be helpful, but it should be amusing.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Things that only happen to me. . .

Do you ever wonder if in another life you were Lucille Ball? I'm telling you, she is the only other person that ever seems to run into the same screw ball situations I do. My life could very easily be an I Love Lucy episode. . .

Case in point. Last night around 11:00 I decided, for some unknown reason, to try on this new dress that I bought for the book signing next week. It's a halter type dress with a nifty print. So, I slip the dress over my head and it's TIGHT. As I'm trying to squish my rather tender boobs into the dress I realize there's a zipper in the back. The dress is now scrunched half over my chest and half not and I'm trying to reach around behind me to unzip the sucker. My head is poking out of the dress and my arms are flailing trying to reach the zipper. Thank God there were no hidden cameras in my room last night.

I finally manage to wiggle the dress on and it looks pretty good. My stomach sticks out a little too much but that isn't going to improve any time soon with the way I've been eating. So I reach around to unzip it again to take it off.

And the zipper sticks about 1/4 of the way down. I tug and yank to no avail, so I slip the halter part off my neck and spin it around to see if maybe some fabric is stuck in the tracks. Nope, everything looks fine. I tug and yank some more. No dice.

I try pulling it back off over my head and almost completely flattened my chest in the process. I'm now getting a little worried. My kids are asleep and my husband is at the fire house and I'm trapped in my dress. I turn the dress around and slip the halter top back on and creep down stairs to get pliers. Back in my room I spin the dress around again and yank at the zipper with the pliers.
It doesn't move an inch.

I'm now even more panicked thinking I'm either going to have to call my husband at the fire house and ask him to come home so he can free me from the foul clutches of this dress or I'm going to have to sleep in it. Finally, in desperation I stuff my poor abused chest under the dress and manage to pull it off me.

I did get it unzipped finally and was able to repair the zipper, but I zipped and unzipped it several times just to make sure.

Now tell me honestly, do things like this happen to anyone else?
I thought not.

Okay, I'm headed to bed to escape the heat, gag! Humidity sucks!
Ari

5 Comments:

  • At 9:46 AM, Blogger Angela James said…

    lmfao

    Thanks for a lovely laugh this morning. The mental pictures were priceless :) I'm glad you finally escaped the dress's foul clutches.

     
  • At 10:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    OMG!! Thanks too for the great laugh, Ari!! (and I've watched this woman get dressed while trying to recover from a wild night with a diet coke in one hand!)

    Oh, the mental images are going to stay with me all day!! :D

    Christyne

     
  • At 5:44 PM, Blogger Kate R said…

    Good lord, woman! Who knew getting dressed could be such a hazardous occupation? Good thing you didn't try on new shoes!!!!!!!!!

     
  • At 12:35 PM, Blogger Mary Stella said…

    The answer is . . . Yes! All the time. I live a Lucy kind of life, Ari. It's a strange little world, but familiar. *g*

     
  • At 7:41 PM, Blogger Kate R said…

    HEY ARE YOU BACK??????? (whoops don't want to shout at someone who might have a hangover.)

    How'd the firefighter thang go?????

     

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