My life as the sitcom
Okay, first I want to tell all of you who live in nice warm climates like ARIZONA or KEY WEST that you suck. (Not really but it's 27 here right now and anything over 40 looks wonderful!)
Some of you may have remembered me saying that my life resembles an episode of "I Love Lucy" before. Well, this morning was yet another installment of that. . .
I got up at 6:30 to exercise before I had to wake the girls up for school. I don't particularly like getting up that early but it's the only time I have alone so I do it. I normally exercise in my pajamas because I'm too lazy to change into something else. Since I usually wear flannel pants and a t-shirt it's not a problem. Well, for some reason last night I wore a nightgown. No big deal, there was no one to see me exercising, and the nightgown was short enough not to hinder my legs.
Well, as I was heading down the stairs to feed the cat and the dog I realized we hadn't put our garbage out yet. Now the truck comes around 6:45-7:00 most weeks and we have A LOT of garbage left over from Christmas so it was important it got picked up. I threw on a pair of jeans and some shoes and threw my coat over my nightgown. Hey, no big deal, it's 6:30 in the morning, no one will see me looking like an escaped mental patient, right?
I'm sure you can see where this is going. . .
So, I hit the automatic door opener for the garage, and the door gets stuck half way up. We had a lot of ice yesterday and the darn thing is frozen. Crap. I hit it again and pray and luckily it works and the door goes up.
I squeeze my way between my Durango and my husband's truck and realize there's no way I'm getting the enormous garbage can between the two vehicles. I shuffle my way over the ice skating rink disquised as my drive way to get my keys so I can move my car.
I slide back out over the icy steps, almost falling on my butt in the process, and click the locks on my car. The door won't open, it's frozen shut. I try all the other doors, no dice. They're all frozen.
Crap.
I go back in the house and get my husband's keys so I can move his truck. Success!! I move the overflowing barrel to the edge of the driveway and go back for the recycling box, which promptly spills wine bottles and tin cans everywhere. (I'm not an alcoholic, we entertained a lot!)
Swearing under my breath, I pick up all the noisy recycleables and balance them on the top of the pile and head back to the house with the satisfaction of a job well done. As I'm duck walking on the icy driveway I look over and see my neighbor climbing into the car on her way to school.
The car filled with high school boys.
Staring at me and laughing. (okay, not really staring at me, but it felt like it)
I think I should sell the rights to my life to CBS, it would beat the hell out of some of the reality programs they have on now.
Oh, to cap this off, I just got an automated call from the garbage company saying that due to circumstances beyond their control the garbage won't be picked up until TOMORROW!!!
Truth is stranger than fiction. . .
Some of you may have remembered me saying that my life resembles an episode of "I Love Lucy" before. Well, this morning was yet another installment of that. . .
I got up at 6:30 to exercise before I had to wake the girls up for school. I don't particularly like getting up that early but it's the only time I have alone so I do it. I normally exercise in my pajamas because I'm too lazy to change into something else. Since I usually wear flannel pants and a t-shirt it's not a problem. Well, for some reason last night I wore a nightgown. No big deal, there was no one to see me exercising, and the nightgown was short enough not to hinder my legs.
Well, as I was heading down the stairs to feed the cat and the dog I realized we hadn't put our garbage out yet. Now the truck comes around 6:45-7:00 most weeks and we have A LOT of garbage left over from Christmas so it was important it got picked up. I threw on a pair of jeans and some shoes and threw my coat over my nightgown. Hey, no big deal, it's 6:30 in the morning, no one will see me looking like an escaped mental patient, right?
I'm sure you can see where this is going. . .
So, I hit the automatic door opener for the garage, and the door gets stuck half way up. We had a lot of ice yesterday and the darn thing is frozen. Crap. I hit it again and pray and luckily it works and the door goes up.
I squeeze my way between my Durango and my husband's truck and realize there's no way I'm getting the enormous garbage can between the two vehicles. I shuffle my way over the ice skating rink disquised as my drive way to get my keys so I can move my car.
I slide back out over the icy steps, almost falling on my butt in the process, and click the locks on my car. The door won't open, it's frozen shut. I try all the other doors, no dice. They're all frozen.
Crap.
I go back in the house and get my husband's keys so I can move his truck. Success!! I move the overflowing barrel to the edge of the driveway and go back for the recycling box, which promptly spills wine bottles and tin cans everywhere. (I'm not an alcoholic, we entertained a lot!)
Swearing under my breath, I pick up all the noisy recycleables and balance them on the top of the pile and head back to the house with the satisfaction of a job well done. As I'm duck walking on the icy driveway I look over and see my neighbor climbing into the car on her way to school.
The car filled with high school boys.
Staring at me and laughing. (okay, not really staring at me, but it felt like it)
I think I should sell the rights to my life to CBS, it would beat the hell out of some of the reality programs they have on now.
Oh, to cap this off, I just got an automated call from the garbage company saying that due to circumstances beyond their control the garbage won't be picked up until TOMORROW!!!
Truth is stranger than fiction. . .
posted by Arianna Hart @ 11:26 AM
1 Comments:
At 1:30 PM,
Anonymous said…
Hahahahaha, I can sooooo see you doing that.
I think I can best you on this though.
Many years ago-when I was much younger and much skinnier-we had an indoor cat, an indoor dog, and an outdoor cat that adopted us.
Now the indoor cat despised the outside, afraid of it actually.
The dog was a Jack Russel-Beagle mix, which meant it was hyper and HAD to be on a leash. One whiff of a strange smell and she'd be off to the races.
The outdoor cat? Well her main goal in life was to get inside and take the house away from the indoor cat.
Now my hubby and I sleep in the buff: with no kids, that's just what we prefer. After my hubby left for work in the mornings, I'd throw on my robe, have coffee, put the dog on her run which stretched to the side door, and then ready for work.
One morning I'm attempting to hook up the dog, and the indoor cat get's a wild hair up her butt and shoots out the door after the other cat. Now doggie knows that indoor cat belongs in the house, so off she runs in chase without her leash. They are all headed for the street.
So in a frantic panic, I slip on hubsters size 10 tennies (I wear size 6 1/2 womens) and dart out the door.
Outdoor cat runs up the telephone pole at the end of the driveway. Indoor cat attempts to follow, but gets stuck above me just out of reach. Dog is circling bottom of pole barking at the top of it's lungs.
Now here I stand in funky shoes, bare legs, uncombed hair, desperately trying to reach indoor cat.
Here is when the real problem occurs. I was never in the habit of tying that little inside portion of the robe. The one that is there in case the outer belt falls loose.
So as I am reaching for all I'm worth, the outside belt decides to give. I am facing the street in full frontal nudity.
I didn't even have time to snatch the robe closed as the indoor cat decided to take a flying leap over my head. Thank heavens she headed straight back to the house, where she promptly climbed the outdoor screen, meowling to get back in. Of course, the dog followed and barked, and had great sport over the whole thing.
I never actually had time to rebelt the robe until the two indoor monsters were safely inside.
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