I'm not that old, am I?

I was cleaning up the kitchen today, getting the kids ready for school and thinking about what I had to do in the three hours my middle one is in morning kindergarten when I just stopped for a second and had a "what the heck am I doing?" moment.

When did I become an adult? How the heck did I become the mother of three kids who worries about things like soccer practice and dance class? What happened to the hip chick who used to worry about what she was wearing for the weekend instead of if the soccer uniform was clean?

How did all of this happen without me figuring it out?

I mean, I always knew I wanted to be a wife and mother, but I guess I always thought that when I did I'd feel, well, older. Like my mother.

That got me thinking, is this how my mom always felt? Like it was some big joke she was pulling over on everyone else. "You only THINK I'm a grown up. I'm really still a kid pretending to be grown up."

What defines being grown up anyway? Is it responsibility? Lord knows I have plenty of that. Is is worry? I haven't slept through the night since I had my oldest daughter, I worry about all sorts of things.
Is it something inside us that defines us as ADULTS? If it is, I'm totally missing that. I'm still selfish, I admit it.
My mom was never selfish, she gave up a lot to take care of my sisters and I and my dad. Heck, she still is. I love her, but I don't want to be like that. I LIKE getting my nails done and going out with my friends. I LIKE having a writing career, and I HATE volunteering in the school.

Does this make me a bad mommy, or just different?
And the fact that I worry about it, does that mean I really am a grown up after all??